How it went too far

This is a reprint from my comments, but I believe it is important enough to warrant a post of its own....

The first time was at her house. Looking back, she had it planned ahead of time, and had the group over to her home to work on the project (the house where she lives with her brother, two kids, and her parents - somehow conveniently deserted for the night.) We were drinking there, and she asked me when people were leaving if I could help her with some problem with her homework. Of course I would - no problem. She started kissing me, touching me, and I got caught up in the moment. I stopped thinking. Later, when I explained to her that it could never happen again, she agreed, but not because she thought anything was wrong with it. She said she respected my decisions. I stopped having lunch with her and seeing her outside of school related things thinking that would stop it from happening again. What I should have done at this point was come clean with my wife so she could help guard me against the 'near occasions of sin.' Instead, because of my pride, I thought I could handle it on my own and told no one. The second time we were drinking once again. Once again it was the group project. We were all at a restaurant. As we were all leaving, she and I were talking. Once again she kissed me, touched me, and once again the combination of alcohol and other things left me open to this. I once again didn't think about it, got caught up in the moment.I realize that this makes me look like an idiot, but it is the truth and that is all I can offer. The day after the second time she tried to kiss me again. I stopped her. I pulled away. I finally realized that I am vulnerable to these sins, and I began to push her out of my life to get away from them. It was at this point she become desperate and starting calling and texting that she loved me, and as has been so amply put, life became "fatal attraction." (I've never seen it but know the premise.) I never thought of her in a sexual way, but she became the person I confided in, instead of my wife. I actually, for a period, thought of her as a best friend, because in the moment you don't always see the truth. Since I didn't look at her sexually but was still vulnerable is really my point. You can't be too careful when it comes to becoming "friends" with the opposite sex. For me the whole lesson in this is that you don't necessarily need that physical attraction for things to progress too far. A failure to recognize where an inappropriate friendship could lead is how this whole mess started. I look forward to your comments.

Welcome Newcomers

My wife is about to post my blog site and finally refer to me as her husband. Since she has a few more regular readers than I do at this point, this will be the first time several of you have been to this site. More ever, it will be the first time that many of you who have been to both sites realize that we are a married couple, though I know at least one of you figured it out. Needless to say my treatment of my wife was absolutely unconscionable. I know that. Some of you are or will be mad at me and what I did. I know that too. However, I think she will be the first to tell you that our lives and marriage are better now than they had been in a very long time. Restoring the Covenant hasn't been in existence for long, and several of the postings are not about the affair. Please go back and read what I have written so far, (at least the first posting) and you will see that my goal is to overcome the sin that has ruined our lives. I am not happy about or proud of what I did. I am not one who finds joy in these things. I am a sinner, and I am trying to repent. We are trying to work through all of this. That is (part of) the point of the blogs. These aren't the first blog sites we have had, but we never made the other ones public. They were just for us. We started them shortly after revelation and have updated them off and on until recently. We finally decided we were ready to talk about the affair in the hope that maybe we can help others, which is our other aim with these blogs. You see, as we searched through the blogger realm, we found so many people who are having affairs, had affairs, or want to have affairs. We hope and pray that our story will help others. If you had an affair, our message to you is that marriage is worth saving, and that it can be saved if both parties will fight for it. If you are having an affair (be it physical or emotional) please stop. You aren't going to do anything but hurt the parties involved. If you won't let go of the other person, you can't truly work on your marriage. The two simply won't work together. Try to save your marriage BEFORE you get involved with someone else. For those people contemplating having an affair - it isn't worth it. Plain and simple. So, my hope is to help others, but also to receive help. I am a man and am subject to human failings. I need support and assistance. I need help. I admit it. Part of my sin was that I thought I was strong enough to do it on my own - but I am weak. I am trying to become the head of the household once again as I am called to be. Lastly, if somehow you got to my site without seeing my wife's, she is at: Therese in Heaven

The Affair

I thought it would be only fair to those of you who begin reading my journal to understand a little about the affair. The intricate details are for me and my wife only, but I will tell you a bit in general terms.

It has been almost a year now since the affair began.

I was going through a lot of stress at the time. We had a brand new baby, I was a full time student in addition to having a full time job, and this other woman was a distraction. When it comes right down to it, that is pretty much all she was. Since that time we have seen a counselor and learned that I was seeking praise, that I allowed myself to be praised by someone other than my wife and turned that into much more than it truly was.

My wife sometimes calls the other woman my "lover." I don't like the implication that I actually loved this woman, because I didn't. So, I refer to her simply as the "other woman." She was a fellow student. At first she became a friend, which eventually led to an inappropriate relationship. Don't get me wrong, though. The relationship was inappropriate from the first time she called me to talk about something other than school related business. There was nothing appropriate about developing a friendship with a woman who was not my wife. No if's, and's, or but's.

It has been six months. almost to the day, since what we refer to as "revelation." The time my wife finally found out why things were amiss in our marriage. You see, things were amiss, even before the affair came out. Of course they were! I was spending time with my wife and son, but even then I was only half a husband. I was spending inappropriate time with another woman!
So, it finally came out. Six months ago. And my wife and I have been trying to heal since then. She has been amazing, sticking with me through it all, and I have tried to become the husband I originally set out to be. The husband I want so badly to become again. When we were first married, I feel like I was an awesome husband. I made a lot of sacrifices. And here I am - a shell of what I was.

So we continue trying to heal. We are on the road. We are doing okay. All credit for where we are goes to my wife. She is helping me become the man I always wanted to be.