There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but according to CNN there are 8 reasons you should never have sex:
1. Revenge: The most popular very-wrong reason to have sex, revenge sex never ends well.
Hooking up with his best friend because you're angry at your boyfriend will get you nowhere. If you do manage to break up their friendship, then you're stuck with an untrustworthy dude.
2. Ego gratification: You must be fine if that scorching hot bartender took you home. Or not. Men have been known to do some unsavory things for physical gratification. The fact that he's willing and able doesn't say squat about your appeal.
3. Appliance envy: Your roommate "doesn't believe" in air conditioning. You can't afford premium cable and are addicted to "Weeds." You're desperate to try out Wii Fit. All of these desires are perfectly rational.
However, they are absolutely not worth the price of waking up next to someone you otherwise cannot stand. (Well, except for the AC, but that's only if it's above 100 Fahrenheit.)
p.s. I don't believe this applies to FADKOG's special selection of "appliances" that she keeps in her drawer.
4. Weight loss: Yes, you may have read those women's magazine articles about how being physically intimate can help you shed pounds. However, a 120-pound woman burns only 57 calories during 15 minutes of sex. That's less than half a Hostess Ho-Ho. Of course, at NOLBA, our goal is more than 15 minutes, but who's counting?
5. Clarity: Ever since you were nine years old and saw that topless Kate Moss Calvin Klein ad, you've had a hunch you were same-sex oriented... you're wrong.
6. Mercy: Empathy for a sad soul is one thing; holding an intimate pity party is quite another. Oh, and you know that saying, "no good deed goes unpunished?" It goes triple in this instance.
7. Quid pro quo: I'm not knocking or talking about the sex professionals out there -- this is for the amateurs among us. Just because he bought you a lobster doesn't mean you need to give up dessert. Unless maybe its a very good Creme Brulee.
8. Fame by association: He's famous, you want to be. Fame is not transmissible through intimate contact. However, lots of other things are, so watch out.
Note: Does not apply if you are a groupie of FTN...
Sunday, August 31, 2008
NOLBA Week, Day 1
Posted by Recovering Soul at 9:29 PM
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6 comments:
All I'll say, is that in the spirit of beginning NOLBA properly-
Well, maybe I wont say more than that, but it was a lot of fun.
All three times.
Day 1 - In the spirit of NOLBA, I'm here to report that, as was best possibly achieved based on unexpected circumstances beyond my control and within my world dwells a happy customer. If I could convince said happy customer to gift me with new FADKOG-approved appliances, I'd be down with that.
Also, I proudly wear my backstage pass for each FTN World Tour. Woo hoo for groupies!
You know, Molly and I 'just happened' to find each other awake at just about exactly 1AM Mountain Time. And so the festivities began. . .
Wow, Sailor is stepping it up - who can compete???
FADKOG - excellent job as well. But is it REALLY up to him to buy your appliances?
:)
Des - excellent job as well.
Remember, everyone, except in the case of Sailor it is about quality, not quantity! Make sure you are focused on your spouse!
Ya got your post up, now come focus on me! ;)
Wait... I've got groupies? How exactly do I capitalize on this revelation?
I'm thinking that my best opportunity to fulfill the NOLBA is to wait a few days, and just have sex once this week. It would be rough, but it would automatically up my chances by 243%.
I also must note that 57 calories is nothing to sneeze at... That's seriously a good selling point for my wife, who tracks that kind of thing down to the letter.
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