How I became involved with the other woman

You see, I wasn't planning on having an affair. I didn't actively go out and try to have an affair, as some men do. It sounds like a lame excuse, but it happened when I wasn't looking. I have a full time professional career, and travel a couple of weeks every quarter. At the time this started, I was also a full time student. I was spending a lot of time away from home. We had just had a child, and I was pushing myself hard to finish my degree so I could provide a better life for my family. In addition, I had a lot of other extracurricular things going on. I was stressed out, but wouldn't admit that I was or didn't know enough to understand the stress I had. She was in one of my classes. We had a large group project to work on with a couple of other people. And things actually didn't start with her until the end of that semester. Shortly after the semester, actually. She began calling me regularly, becoming a 'friend'. I began returning her calls. At first, that was all it was - just calls. And I told myself that it was nice to have a friend. It didn't take long for these calls to happen all the time. We would spend a lot of the day on the phone. I was spending more time on the phone with her than my wife. After something physical happened, I told her it couldn't happen again, and she didn't respect my wishes and pushed on it. As soon as the stuff hit the fan, she turned on me. Looking back, it became obvious that her goal was to destroy my marriage and have me for herself, though those were not things I had ever promised to her. And unfortunately this clarity of thought was not present then, hindsight being what it is. Please understand that, while I did eventually sleep with this woman, it was more emotional than physical. Through the counseling we have sought, it has come to our attention that this woman was a distraction from the stress of life. That is all she was. A distraction. And while she was a distraction at first, she eventually became a bigger burden as I tried to hide her. Keeping a secret is a heavy weight, and she weighed me down terribly. Even though I say it was emotional, there was no depth behind it. No meaning. We didn't share values or anything in common that I can recall, except school. In fact, when I first met her in my group, I told my wife that I thought the other woman was a slut. I can't remember what she said or did that made me say that, but somehow along the line my mind tricked me into thinking she was a nice person, someone I could relate to. I thought she was a friend, because she flattered me and complimented me. I must have known deep down that this friendship was wrong, because I never discussed it with my wife. In fact, once revelation occurred, I didn't even remember when or how things began, exactly. Looking back, my wife and I now believe the woman was using me. She didn't make much money, didn't have a good life, single mother of two kids, and didn't have anyone except her parents. She knew, from being in my group, that I make pretty good money, was a 'nice guy' (that opinion can vary now that I have cheated) and was living the type of life she wanted to have. I learned some lessons from this experience. First, why the hell was I creating a friendship my wife didn't know anything about? There was no reason for it, and that is something I will not do again. In fact, I have no desire to create any female friendships any longer. Second, my wife and I kept saying to each other 'yes, we are having a rough time now, but when I am done with school it will get better.' That is crap. Fix things immediately. Don't let them fester. Talk things out as soon as you can. Third, I am vulnerable to flattery and attention. I thought that her attention was something more than it truly was. This is a weakness I did not know about myself until it was too late. Guys, it is important to know and acknowledge both your strengths AND your weaknesses. And that is how the other woman became the worst mistake of my life.