First Night Home

I finally got home yesterday and had a nice homecoming with my wife. Last night we had a Christmas party for work and then came home and slept.

Today it is like a different world. We are both on edge, and we don't even know why. There is no closeness or togetherness.

The affair still lingers on. She still feels the pain, and it expresses itself. We both know that it will take time, and that over time it won't hurt us the way it does now. Right now it is tough, but certainly not as tough as those first days after revelation.

We didn't know if we would stay together that first night or if we would divorce. I was supposed to leave on a business trip the next day and she asked me to pack my bags and leave that night. I asked her if I should pack for the trip or for longer, and she didn't know. She couldn't look at me, couldn't speak to me. I was disgusting to her, and truly I was disgusted with myself for what I had become.

The first week was a lot like that - us not knowing what to do or how to act. I spent night number 2 in our bed, but on the third night she asked me to leave our room and I moved into the guest room, where I spent a couple of weeks. After those weeks were up I slept on the floor of our bedroom. A couple of nights later she asked me to leave the house for the night and I went and spent the night with my parents, who don't live too far away. When I came home, she told me she forgave me for what I did - though forgiveness does not equal healing, and we continue to try to move forward.

Ours is a tale of strength and forgiveness. Guys, as I go through this I can't promise your wives will be as forgiving as mine has been, but I hope that many of the same lessons will apply. The lesson from this posting is to take responsibility for your actions. Allow her to yell as she grieves the loss of what you had. Don't yell back. If you have put yourself and your family in this situation you are responsible and need to own up. I see many people these days refuse to take responsibility for their actions - in many different respects. Don't fight this, gentlemen, just own up and take it like a man.

**As I reread this post, I wanted to make a note that my wife did not ask me to sleep on the floor. That was of my doing, I didn't feel like I was good enough to be next to her.