Closure

You can read my wife's post here about forgiveness and last night. I also wanted to add my two cents about our counseling session yesterday. When Therese looked up at me and told me she forgave me, I could see that she truly meant it. It was a moving moment - one of those times in life where everything moves a little slower and it is so wonderful to be alive. (Of course, I had to spoil it by making a joke a moment later, like an idiot, but I was truly moved by both her words and the passion in her eyes.) The whole evening brought a sense of closure to that part of our lives. The counselor not only thought that we didn't need further counseling (we struggled to find things to talk about all evening) but also thought that perhaps we would be able to help others. This is something we want and feel called to do. It will help others and will continue to help us by sharing our story, just as we are doing now online. It truly felt like we have moved this to our past and are moving forward. Something Therese did not bring up is that she also told me last night that she trusts me again. This meant as much to me as the forgiveness, because we all know what marriage without trust looks like. And she has demonstrated this trust by agreeing that I should take an extra class next semester, getting me a new cell phone, not being upset when I am a little late from work, etc. I appreciate all of this, and more... So we are basically on cloud 9 right now as we continue to move forward.

Things that have helped us move forward

There are numerous things we have done since revelation to try to heal. As soon as revelation hit, I cancelled my cell phone. It was a problem to have it, and as my wife mentioned reviewing the cell phone bills was a source of consternation for us (is that the right use of the word?) Just last week we finally signed me up for a cell phone again, but this time it is only for work and family, no one else will be given the number. In addition, she and I will review the bill in detail (at least for now) so that nothing is hidden. We started blogging. We still have blogs we have not released to the public which we use to communicate and work through things. They are a journal of our journey to this point. I immediately called and found a counselor. We had our first counseling session within a month of revelation. The good news about this is that she has already moved us to once a month sessions because she feels we are doing well. Her saying that felt like when I used to get gold stars on my homework as a child. We went to a Retrouvaille weekend. They do a lot of work to help couples communicate. We already communicate well, so didn't learn that piece of it, but we spent a lot of time that weekend talking about how things made us feel and really re-connected that weekend. Lastly, we started seeing a priest for spiritual guidance. He has helped us to focus on that side of things and shows us that the Church demands we stay together. It has never been an option for us to break up, partially because of this guidance.

Welcome Newcomers

My wife is about to post my blog site and finally refer to me as her husband. Since she has a few more regular readers than I do at this point, this will be the first time several of you have been to this site. More ever, it will be the first time that many of you who have been to both sites realize that we are a married couple, though I know at least one of you figured it out. Needless to say my treatment of my wife was absolutely unconscionable. I know that. Some of you are or will be mad at me and what I did. I know that too. However, I think she will be the first to tell you that our lives and marriage are better now than they had been in a very long time. Restoring the Covenant hasn't been in existence for long, and several of the postings are not about the affair. Please go back and read what I have written so far, (at least the first posting) and you will see that my goal is to overcome the sin that has ruined our lives. I am not happy about or proud of what I did. I am not one who finds joy in these things. I am a sinner, and I am trying to repent. We are trying to work through all of this. That is (part of) the point of the blogs. These aren't the first blog sites we have had, but we never made the other ones public. They were just for us. We started them shortly after revelation and have updated them off and on until recently. We finally decided we were ready to talk about the affair in the hope that maybe we can help others, which is our other aim with these blogs. You see, as we searched through the blogger realm, we found so many people who are having affairs, had affairs, or want to have affairs. We hope and pray that our story will help others. If you had an affair, our message to you is that marriage is worth saving, and that it can be saved if both parties will fight for it. If you are having an affair (be it physical or emotional) please stop. You aren't going to do anything but hurt the parties involved. If you won't let go of the other person, you can't truly work on your marriage. The two simply won't work together. Try to save your marriage BEFORE you get involved with someone else. For those people contemplating having an affair - it isn't worth it. Plain and simple. So, my hope is to help others, but also to receive help. I am a man and am subject to human failings. I need support and assistance. I need help. I admit it. Part of my sin was that I thought I was strong enough to do it on my own - but I am weak. I am trying to become the head of the household once again as I am called to be. Lastly, if somehow you got to my site without seeing my wife's, she is at: Therese in Heaven

First Night Home

I finally got home yesterday and had a nice homecoming with my wife. Last night we had a Christmas party for work and then came home and slept.

Today it is like a different world. We are both on edge, and we don't even know why. There is no closeness or togetherness.

The affair still lingers on. She still feels the pain, and it expresses itself. We both know that it will take time, and that over time it won't hurt us the way it does now. Right now it is tough, but certainly not as tough as those first days after revelation.

We didn't know if we would stay together that first night or if we would divorce. I was supposed to leave on a business trip the next day and she asked me to pack my bags and leave that night. I asked her if I should pack for the trip or for longer, and she didn't know. She couldn't look at me, couldn't speak to me. I was disgusting to her, and truly I was disgusted with myself for what I had become.

The first week was a lot like that - us not knowing what to do or how to act. I spent night number 2 in our bed, but on the third night she asked me to leave our room and I moved into the guest room, where I spent a couple of weeks. After those weeks were up I slept on the floor of our bedroom. A couple of nights later she asked me to leave the house for the night and I went and spent the night with my parents, who don't live too far away. When I came home, she told me she forgave me for what I did - though forgiveness does not equal healing, and we continue to try to move forward.

Ours is a tale of strength and forgiveness. Guys, as I go through this I can't promise your wives will be as forgiving as mine has been, but I hope that many of the same lessons will apply. The lesson from this posting is to take responsibility for your actions. Allow her to yell as she grieves the loss of what you had. Don't yell back. If you have put yourself and your family in this situation you are responsible and need to own up. I see many people these days refuse to take responsibility for their actions - in many different respects. Don't fight this, gentlemen, just own up and take it like a man.

**As I reread this post, I wanted to make a note that my wife did not ask me to sleep on the floor. That was of my doing, I didn't feel like I was good enough to be next to her.

Business Travel

This week I am out of town on business travel. Therefore, not much time to get online, leading to not much time to post. I appreciate everyone who has stopped by so far and the comments you have left. No doubt you think I am crazy, but I am bored as hell and I am in Viva Las Vegas! I just got done with dinner and a motivational speaker, and while my co-workers are gambling I am LIVING IT UP by blogging. First, don't feel like blowing any money, and second, this is more fun! Plus, this is the first time I have been to Vegas when it is actually supposed to get below freezing - IT IS THE DESERT!!!! How on earth is it going to get that cold in the desert????

Travelling is very hard for our relationship right now. I am very proud of my wife for how well she handles it, but no doubt that right now, more than ever, it is best for us to be together as much as possible. It isn't that she needs to keep tabs on me, but rather that as we try to heal we really WANT to be together as much as possible.

We talk as often as possible, of course, but with my busy schedule out here it certainly isn't as much as we would like. I bummed a cell phone from a family member since I cancelled mine right after revelation (it made sense so that my wife could start to trust me again) so we can talk as often as possible. These business trips always keep me very busy, and with the time difference we tend to not have much time before one of us really needs to get to sleep.

I'll be back home early Friday afternoon, and I am truly looking forward to it. I can't wait to get back to my wife, my son, my home, my bed. Living in a hotel is no fun. So, until next time, I'm "livin the dream" out here is freezing Vegas. If I do gamble, what game should I play? I've never gambled much.

Business Travel

This week I am out of town on business travel. Therefore, not much time to get online, leading to not much time to post. I appreciate everyone who has stopped by so far and the comments you have left. No doubt you think I am crazy, but I am bored as hell and I am in Viva Las Vegas! I just got done with dinner and a motivational speaker, and while my co-workers are gambling I am LIVING IT UP by blogging. First, don't feel like blowing any money, and second, this is more fun! Plus, this is the first time I have been to Vegas when it is actually supposed to get below freezing - IT IS THE DESERT!!!! How on earth is it going to get that cold in the desert????



Travelling is very hard for our relationship right now. I am very proud of my wife for how well she handles it, but no doubt that right now, more than ever, it is best for us to be together as much as possible. It isn't that she needs to keep tabs on me, but rather that as we try to heal we really WANT to be together as much as possible.



We talk as often as possible, of course, but with my busy schedule out here it certainly isn't as much as we would like. I bummed a cell phone from a family member since I cancelled mine right after revelation (it made sense so that my wife could start to trust me again) so we can talk as often as possible. These business trips always keep me very busy, and with the time difference we tend to not have much time before one of us really needs to get to sleep.



I'll be back home early Friday afternoon, and I am truly looking forward to it. I can't wait to get back to my wife, my son, my home, my bed. Living in a hotel is no fun. So, until next time, I'm "livin the dream" out here is freezing Vegas. If I do gamble, what game should I play? I've never gambled much.

Let's Get it Started

As I surf through "blog-world" I have found many people who detail their affairs online. They talk about the beauty of "true love" and how they are trapped in marriages they don't want to be in. They talk about how wonderful their lovers are, and how misunderstood they are. Usually these people have tried EVERYTHING to make their marriages work and their spouse has thwarted them at every turn. I am the other guy. I am the one who cheated. My wife was, and is, wonderful. She did nothing to deserve what I did to her. She is truly the most wonderful person I have ever met. She has the best sense of humor, is an awesome cook, and loves to spend time with me. She is patient and understanding. And she loves me, more than anything. Even now. Right now she is standing in front of me shaking her rear end to make me laugh - she cracks me up.

Is there anyone else like me out there? Anyone who regrets the lies, cheating, and deception and is striving to make things right? Anyone else who is willing to admit that they were the bad guy in the relationship? Anyone who values marriage and desperately wants to make it work?

I will chronicle as we continue the healing process. However, my ultimate goal with this blog is to bring hope to others. If one other person can sympathize with what I am going through and draw hope from it, I have accomplished what I set out to do. I hope you enjoy the ride...